Chicken Soup for the Soul - Grieving and Recovery by Canfield Jack & Hansen Mark Victor & Newmark Amy

Author:Canfield, Jack & Hansen, Mark Victor & Newmark, Amy [Canfield, Jack & Hansen, Mark Victor & Newmark, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781935096627
Publisher: Chicken Soup for the Soul Publishing, LLC
Published: 2011-02-01T00:00:00+00:00

Hand-Me-Down Funeral

We do not remember days; we remember moments.

~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand

My last argument with Daddy was the one about his funeral. He didn’t want one. “What’s the point of a funeral?” he wanted to know. “It’s a big waste of money. When the time comes, here’s what you do.”

He pulled out a plain white sheet of paper with instructions. Neatly typed, of course: “Cremation, minimum container, no memorial service.” He’d drawn it up himself.

Tanned, seemingly healthy, he looked like he should be out on the golf course, not at the breakfast table making funeral pronouncements to my mom and me. But he started out quiet that day, more subdued than usual. Facing heart surgery in a month and a detail man, he was going to leave nothing to chance.

“Life,” he said, “is like a stock portfolio. It needs to be well-planned.”

That was his style. Facing his possible end, he was obsessed with the details. Mama was used to his obsessions, but I was impatient.

I took one look at the paper and started right in. “First, you’re not going to die. And even if you were, this is a terrible idea!” I said. “People need a way to say goodbye.”

“Not to the tune of thousands of dollars,” he said.

“But people need closure,” I told him. “A funeral wouldn’t be for you. It would be for the people you leave behind.”

He was unconvinced. In fact, the debate seemed to enliven him.

“You know what else,” he said, voice rising. “All those clothes in there, you ought to get rid of them when I go. Give them to charity or whoever wants them. Don’t be saving stuff when I’m gone.”

Unchallenged on the clothes, he rushed to have his customary last say.

“A funeral,” he said, “should reflect the way you live your life. Remember that. I’m not about to pay top dollar for mine.”

When the conversation resumed, a month later in the hospital on the eve of surgery, he pulled out the paper again. I was grateful this time there was no time to talk.

The hospital TV vendor arrived, and Daddy turned his attention to telling her how he wasn’t interested in paying $6.00 a day. When she disappeared around the corner, he sneaked over to the TV hanging by the vacant bed beside him, to see if they’d forgotten to shut it off.

If the evening news had appeared, it would have been his last little bargain. But the only free ride turned out to be a dull in-house video on low sodium diets.

Sadly, his luck ran no better with the surgery. Complications set in the very first night, and the paper that had been such a lively topic for theoretical debate suddenly took center stage in a real-life drama. With Mama, I now read it over and over as we planned for his funeral, or non-funeral, and struggled to find ways to say goodbye. Without wasting too much money.

Calling hours—no service, no flowers—was the final compromise. There were no speeches, other than

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.